It seems that for some people, dreams are fragile things, like a glass figurine. They are very solid and tangible, but can be easily broken and destroyed — shattered. I don’t know if I’m weird or what, but I find that to be really hard to comprehend dreams like that, and there are times when I feel envious of someone who does have dreams and ambitions that are solid and tangible.
I guess people can be categorized in two groups according to their dreams & ambitions; those for whom dreams are solid & tangible, and those for whom dreams are more fluid and resilient. I would fall into the second group; my dreams would be better described as “fluid”.
I talked with an old friend a while back who is having a tough time because he’s been hurt in the process of chasing a dream he has had since childhood. He worked hard for a very long time to do what he felt he was called to do, and in the end, with the fulfillment of that dream within reach, he’s now doing something totally unrelated, and continues to nurse his wounds. I look at his situation and have a tough time putting myself in his shoes; I just can’t understand that kind of attachment to a goal, and that kind of hurt when things don’t go well.
For me, there are just so many little things I enjoy that I can’t fathom chasing after one thing in particular and banking everything the fulfillment of that one thing. Having more fluid or diversified ambitions has served me well in some respects, but in others I’d be better off with the other. To some I’m sure it appears that I lack ambition and drive — I know my boss sees it that way — and to a degree that’s probably true.
The difference comes in when bad things happen; to someone with dreams that are concrete and tangible, bad things can come along and shatter them all to bits. And those bits have sharp edges that can wound. But for me, with dreams that are more fluid and resilient, bad things can shake up my bucket of dreams, causing some to splash out, but I won’t be hurt by any of it.
Is it something of a protection mechanism to avoid being hurt? Or is it a manifestation of ADD? Or maybe something that’s come about as part of a fear of success? I don’t know, but I sometimes feel a yearning for that sense of drive… That kind of dedication.
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